Due to a bout of boredom and an influx of funds, this weekend I found myself in London Town, a decision that as I sat in high street Kensington Starbucks on my third coffee, not sure how the evening was going to play out, I started to regret. I cursed my spontaneous tendencies (a quality passed down more than likely from my father). I have this ridiculous voice in my head which comes up with hair brained and fantastical adventures and I listen. Then I get all over excited and let my imagination run wild. It is the cause of a range of disasters from that dress I swore I would wear, to finding myself on a train to London. There are numerous other examples, far more than I care to remember. It is the voice which tells me to quit school and move to the USA and it is the reason I am usually broke. It is the driving force behind the desire to throw myself from a plane, or ride uncontrollably down rapids. And this little voice is not practical or reasonable in anyway. It forgets costs, logistics and romanticises EVERYTHING.
For 19 years, I have dreamt big, coming up with wild prospects. “Let’s spend a fortune to get to this festival that starts tomorrow.” “Let’s forget lectures and play in the snow all day.” “Let’s apply to internships in LA.” “Let’s go to New York for New Years” (Miraculously that one happened)” “I’m going to write a book and suddenly like sushi.”
You get the idea. And my starry eyed ideas are inevitably shut down by one or several of my more rational friends and family members. Then I get frustrated. The unsatisfactory compromise is usually a complete re-decoration of my room for the umpteenth time or seriously debating to dye my hair blue, before I sulk about dreams that simply will not happen. Yet.
Am I the only one? Certainly feels like I am in my circles. I spout exciting ideas and no one will join me. I dream big and no one believes I will do it. I seem to have no comprehension of PRACTICALITY. I leap without looking. I long for the day when I can be stranded in the Capital without limits. Without waiting for useless friends to call me back. For the day when I can check into any hotel, bar-hop and explore my favourite galleries. As much as I enjoy my own company, I also really really hope to find someone with this same small voice. Think of the trouble we could get into. Glorious, impractical trouble.
Maybe one day I will grasp rationality. Hopefully someone will explain it to me. But I hope I never stop dreaming big. For while 80% of the time it does not work out, when it does,it is extraordinary, magical and breaks the routine and predictability of life. It is a memorable, colourful moment in a sea of grey ones. Here are the results of several superb spontaneous decisions:
Old friends and Houseparties in London:
NEW YORK, NEW YORK
Champagne at Wimbledon
Christmas dinner for 23 people:
And many more besides.